Chillaxin in Idaho

Narcisism and Nellie Olsen

2008-12-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

So, I was reading through this blog since I hadn't posted since last March and I realized two things after pouring through all of those posts:

1. I'm hilarious. Read the post about the prune juice if you really want to laugh.

and

B. I probably shouldn't have had that second bowl of chicken and dumplings.

I'm serious. My stomach is churning like like Nellie Olsen trying to turn cream into butter. Why must Shandy be such an awesome cook?

Bodies - a six year decimation of Idaho

2008-03-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

So I did up the video that I posted on the top. Man, UI sucks. It was fun to make and even more fun to watch once it was done.

Losing my Faith in TV

2008-03-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

Shocking, I know. Fact of the matter is, I'm getting tired of getting hooked on a show only to have it cancelled without any resolution. Fox is the worse about this. It seems that they intentionally kill shows of just for the fun of it. Currently Shandy and I watching a few shows that are in danger of being cancelled:

Jericho on CBS
and
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox

This past fall we watched the first three seasons of The 4400 on USA. The fourth had just ended and so we were DVRing all of the reruns so we could catch up and be current. We are only a few away from having the whole season. Sadly, I see it has been cancelled. I'm guessing that the season finale did not wrap everything up and probably was a cliffhanger. Shandy and I are debating on whether or not to even watch season 4. We'll get all hooked and then have zero resolution or closure. We're on the fence on that one.

Last summer, Fox killed off Drive. I had just watched the first three episodes and was about to start the fourth when I saw the news. How's that for giving a show a chance? They promised to air the final three episodes and then kept pushing them back and finally just pulled the plug all together. Of course these are the same people that killed off Firefly after failing to air the pilot, playing the episodes out of order and then preempting several of the episodes for baseball games.

Maybe we'll just stick to watching shows on DVD that we know are safe. I hear that the Golden Girls had a good series finale and wrapped everything up.

Dang these new headphones!

2008-01-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

So Heidy got me some sweet new earphones for Christmas. They're the Shure model SE110's and they are the best earphones I have ever owned. They completely cancel out all outside noise and are pretty much like earplugs. I've worn them on the plane a few times and I hear nothing but the sweet tunes of whomever I'm listening to at the time.

They do have a downside, though. Case in point:

I've been getting up at 0500 each morning and hitting the gym with August or Seth. August and I were working out this morning and due to all of the snow, we were the only ones there. I'm on the elliptical and August is on the treadmill. I'm rocking out to one of my work out mixes on the iPod. Well, the workout and music progresses and just for fun, I'm singing along, sometimes at the top of my lungs. August keeps giving me the "I'm 11 and getting to the point where I'm almost embarrassed of my parents" look but he keeps grinning. I include the occasional fist pump or the low crouch on the elliptical while I'm still going. I must say, the workout is much more enjoyable this way and goes by a lot faster. So I'm listening to Icky Thump by the White Stripes. There's a solo so I'm just doing the workout thing. Then the verse kicks in and I belt the beginning of it out real loud, arm raised in the air, waving the #1 hand gesture ala Broadway Joe Namath.

It's then that I notice the guy who has just joined us in the gym and is standing about five feet away from me. He looks at me, I look at him. I go back to my regular workout and he just has a strange sort of look on his face. I put myself in his shoes. He walks in, two guys are working out normal and then when he's about to get on his treadmill, the big guy starts yelling and waving his fist. I'd be shocked, startled, surprised, and maybe a little scared.

I go back to a normal workout and notice that it goes by a lot slower and isn't as much fun. I think I catch August rolling his eyes and slightly shaking his head. Dang earphones. So good at cancelling out other sounds, didn't even hear the dude enter or shut the door.

The Post-Season is not Kind to a Boise State/Steelers/Ohio State Fan

2008-01-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

My beloved Broncos lost to East Carolina in the Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl. They didn't show up the first half. They played great in the second half but it was too little, too late. They lost 41-38 when ECU kicked a last second field goal after a questionable reception put them within striking range.

My beloved Steelers lost to Jacksonville on Saturday in the AFC Wild Card Game. The Steelers didn't show up in the first half. They played great in the second half but it was too little, too late. They lost 31-29 when the Jaguars kicked a last second field goal.

Right now my well-liked Buckeys are down 31-17 to LSU in the fourth quarter of the National Championship game. They were down 31-10 but staged a comeback. On a beautiful drive that would have taken it to 31-24, but Todd Boeckman was sacked and fumbled. They've managed to hold off LSU and are driving again but knowing my teams' luck, they will lose by a last second field goal...

**UPDATE**

They lost 38-24. Oh well, there's always the 08-09 season for my teams...

August's Priesthood Preview and Another Ben Story

2008-01-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight was August's Priesthood Preview at church. It's hard to believe that this year he will turn twelve and become a Deacon. Of course we still have almost 12 months until then since his birthday is December 31. The Young Mens President talked about all of the milestones the young men will face between age12 and 17. It's boggles my mind to think that in a few more years he will be driving and dating. I just can't picture him doing that. Thankfully, that's still five years away. I think for the most part, girls are still not part of the equation for him.
"Hey, baby, want to look at my Pokemon cards?"
Nah, just not feeling it.
I started thinking about all of the trash guys were talking about at his age when I was growing up. To hear it, some of these guys were 11 year old Casanovas. Looking back now, I see that was the farthest thing from the truth. The girls that they purportedly had liasons with were always from some other place like Canada. I gathered that even then, they were either lying or Canadian chicks are real easy. I'm glad we've raised the boys with morals and are mindful of the friends they keep.

Ben, is a boy that we still worry about. During the Nevada game, we were all over at Bill's house to watch the Broncos grab a win in triple overtime. Our four boys and Bill's three girls were all playing nicely together. Suddenly in the fourth quarter, Bill's oldest daughter, Becca, who is nine, came out into the living room and exclaimed, "Ben just said to me, 'Give me some sugar, baby!'"
I think it took all of about .5 seconds for Brent and I to start busting out deep, hearty belly laughs.
While at the Priesthood Preview, the Deacons Advisor came up and related a story from when he and his wife substituted for Ben's primary class. He said that Ben was the smartest child in there and that he knew the answers to all of the questions. He said that he was pretty impressed. I started to beam with pride. Then he said, "Yeah, he also told some great stories. I don't even remember what one of them was about except that he said the term, 'Numb Nuts' in it. My wife and I thought it was hillarious."
My beaming quickly turned to head shaking and I think a groan escaped my lips.
On the plus side, he knows the gospel and is sharp. The downside, apparently he sees nothing wrong with using the term, "Numb Nuts" in church. I blame Shandy. She's the one who always uses vulgarity. I, on the other hand have the vocabulary of an angel. :)

Until next time, "Via Con Dios, Amigos!"

Still Alive

2007-12-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

Not sure if anyone still checks this blog or not. Crap, I wouldn't. It's been almost a year since I last posted.

Figured I would make myself post today to try and get back in the swing of things. Went Christmas shopping for Shandy tonight. Got most everything I wanted to get for her except maternity clothes. It's hard enough for me to pick out clothes for her when she's not pregnant- I'm such a bad judge of sizes. Throw in the pregnancy and I'm never sure if I'm buying her a tarp or something that won't fit. Maybe I'll just get her a gift certificate to some place that caters to pregnant chicks. Who knows, maybe she'll bump into Jamie Lynn Spears. Boy that family is doing well, eh?

Pranks, Puke, Choppers and Mountain Climbing

2007-07-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

So today has been quite eventful. We're in the middle of annual training right now. To cap off the end of AT we wanted to do something that would build esprit de corps, boost morale, and aid in retention. We decided on the last day of AT we would climb Mount Borah. We are also fortunate enough that the National Guard is going to fly us to the base camp in Blackhawks.

To help prepare for the climb, we went up Bogus Basin Road today hiked through Dry Creek Canyon. We put in about 3.5-4 miles before we had to head back. I asked my 1SG if there were any alternate routes back or if we just had to turn around. We were at the bottom of a very steep ravine but knew that Bogus Basin Road was at the top.

It sure looked doable.

It sure looked like a gentle slope.

It kicked my butt.

We started out on a barely existent game trail. We soon saw that it was not ascending like we would like it to so everyone had to scramble up the side to a different ridge line. It just so happened that my area was nearly vertical. As I pulled myself up by grabbing on to sagebrush, I realized that I wasn't as fast as my 18 year old privates. On the contrary, I felt a bit like an old man. We eventually made it to the top of the ravine and then began the 2.5 mile descent down Bogus Basin Road, the first .5 miles, we ran.

Needless to say, I was pooped. On the way back to Gowen Field I took the luxury of a small nap.

This is where it starts to get interesting.

My beloved NCO's decided it would be fun to play a prank on a sleeping CPT Vogt. I actually see it as a sign of respect.

We were on Gowen Road and I'm sawing logs while riding shotgun. SGT Person was driving while SSG Bond and SGT Lee were sitting behind me. They coordinated it without waking me up. SGT Person slammed on the breaks while the others yelled, "LOOK OUT!!" or "HOLY *&%#!"

I immediately woke up with a start and did what any other man, fearing he is about to get into a collision, would do...

I yelled like a big, startled wus.

They got me good. I congratulated each of them and shook their hands. It was well planned and well executed. I couldn't be prouder.

As soon as we got back, 2LT Scheuch, MSG Amato, SSG Sites, SSG Bond, and myself went on a recon to Mount Borah via Blackhawk. It was a perfect day with clear skies and only a little haze from the forest fires.

This makes the fifth time I have flown in a Blackhawk. I have never been sick in one. That is, I have never been sick in one...before.

I had eaten a Southwestern Chicken Caesar salad for lunch and something about it just wasn't sitting too well with me. Up till now, most of the chopper flights I have been on have been low altitude flights. These are great. You get to see everything up close and better yet, there is no turbulence. I have also had the privilege of riding in the back where you have a pretty good view.

This flight was different.

I sat in the front row of the passenger area so the junior guys could enjoy the view and flight more. We flew with the doors open and that's always fun. I thought about the time I flew through Baghdad with the doors open. It was quite the trip. Anyhoo...this flight we had to be at a much higher altitude because of the mountains. The turbulence was really knocking us around. Couple that with my less than ideal seating arrangement which prevented me from really seeing a whole lot, mix in the salad, and I could see that things were not going too well. After about 30 minutes. I decided that I would just try to close my eyes and sleep and maybe that would help with the building nausea.

I was wrong.

Just as we arrived at Mount Borah, I opened my eyes and realized that my plan hadn't really worked at all. Puking was inevitable. I used some sort of frantic sign language with the assistant crew chief that I was indeed about to blow chunks, to chunder, barf, ralf, shout at my shoes, vomit, hurl. He frantically began to scramble for a barf bag but it was too late. Strapped in a four point harness, you are unable to move much except for your head. i did the only thing I could. I turned my head sideways and let fly. I was hoping that I could have it all go outside the door but I just didn't have the proper angle or trajectory. Some did make it out the door and was promptly transformed into spray which flew to the back and hit a Warrant Officer Candidate who was riding with us. More landed on the floor and the last bit hit my left sleeve. The assistant crew chief handed me the barf bag and in the two seconds between heaves, I managed to take it out of its envelope, open it and then proceed to puke my guts out (and the Southwestern Chicken Caesar salad).

Here's me recreating the scene for SSG Bond in my assault pack.

We continued to circle the mountain (I didn't get any pics having been a little preoccupied) and then we touched down at our proposed LZ. I managed to exit the bird and then promptly plopped myself down among the sagebrush and felt like crap. Shortly thereafter, we took off again and headed to Sun Valley to refuel. I moved to the back where I could get a little more air and have something to look at.

I had never been to Sun Valley before. I think I might have seen Bruce Willis but I can't be sure because all of the people looked like ants. I will say this, Sun Valley is gorgeous and there are some big friggin' houses out there.

We touched down among the Lear Jets and made our way to the small airport. It was pretty nice looking (would you expect anything less in Sun Valley?). MSG Amato was a good mother hen for me and got me water, crackers and then a PBJ. The staff there was great and had left overs from some celebrity brought out to the other guys and the crew. I began to feel better and even posed for this great pic!

On the route back, we kept pretty low and even did a little Knapp of the earth. What more could a guy ask for? Apparently a bit more. I asked if we could swing by Bronco Stadium and CW4 Briggs, our pilot, obliged. We circled the stadium a few times and I managed to get in a few good pics of the stadium and the expansion construction. we headed across downtown, and central Boise before heading back to Gowen.

All-in-all, a pretty good day, chunks and all.

Bennyisms

2007-06-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

So Benny has a way of mangling the English language in a really cute way. Shandy and I are always cracking up about what he says and how he says it. He is such a character and just makes me grin constantly. A few selected Bennyisms:

Lemonems with Fernilla

For a while now, Benny has referred to M&M's as lemonems. I met Shandy, Nathan, and he at a gas station last month when I had forgotten my work keys. Benny had graduated from Pre-School earlier that day and Shandy had treated him to a vanilla M&M blizzard from McD's. When I opened the van door, he had a big smile on his face and proudly declared, "Dad, look! I got lemonems with fernilla!"

Fotel

For some reason, Benny gets so excited any time we stay at a hotel. I think it's the pools, and late nights, and restaurants but he always talks about how he wants to go to another "Fotel".

Crab Cruster

Last week, I was taking the boys out to the farm so Mom could watch them (Shandy was gone for the week at Girls Camp). When we were almost to Beacon Light from Star Road, we spotted a crop duster and pulled over on Beacon Light to watch him. The boys thought it was really cool. From the back seat I hear Benny ask, "Dad, who flies the crab cruster?"

Dog Tister

Yesterday we were driving down the road to the Perry's new house and Shandy and I were chatting with Benny.

Me: So what do you want to be when you grow up, Benny?

Benny: A Policeman.

Me: Like Uncle Danny?

Benny: Yeah, or a Dog Tister.

Me: A Dog Tester?

Benny: Yeah.

Shandy: What's that?

Benny: You know, you take the dogs for walks. Have them go poop. Play with them.

Me: Oh, you mean a Dog Sitter.

Benny: Yeah

Even I could...

A lot of Benny's sentences used to begin with "Even I could..."

Me: Hey, Benny, we're going to the park.

Benny: Even I could ride my bike there?

Me: OK, we need to get loaded up. It's time to go camping.

Benny: Even I could roast a hot dog?

Cruise Plans

So we decided this year that instead of Birthday and Christmas presents, we would all take what money we received and put it into a cruise fund for the end of the year. Shandy and I proposed the idea to the boys. We told them about the cruise we took last year, and so we all had a family meeting and decided to do it. When we had made the decision, Shandy and I asked the boys what they would be most excited about on the cruise:

Me: So Seth, what are you most excited about on the cruise?

Seth: The ice cream bar! (You can see his priorities. No talk of going to another country, seeing tropical places, going swimming, etc.)

Me: How about you, August? What are you most excited about?

August: The 24 hour pizza bar! (see above comments about Seth)

Me: Benny, what do you want to do?

Benny: (who gets a dreamy look on his face, a grin, and a little tilt to his head) I want to dance with a pretty girl and kiss her!

Needless to say, Shandy and I were caught between disbelief and laughter. How had our then four year old picked up anything like that from our description of the cruise? I can only guess that when we went on the Carnival Cruise website, some of the pictures had stood out and made more of an impression than others.

As I think of others, I'll post them.

As Promised...Why United Air Sucks: Part One

2007-04-25T00:59:00.000-07:00

So I took that trip to Kan-Tuh-Kee last week. I have lost all faith in United Airlines.

Why, you ask?

Hold on to your bloomers, ladies and germs. Listen to the saga of

Stranded in Chicago
or How I Got Royally Screwed by United
Part One

by
John Vogt

Monday 16 April, 2007

My flight from Beautiful Boise to Chicago (the windy city and home to Oprah) is delayed by about an hour. No problem, says I, these things happen. I still have enough time to catch my connecting flight to Louisville (Law-vil for those who speak Kentuckese). My flight from Chicago to Louisville is delayed by an hour. Again, no problem. These things happen. I take advantage of the ensuing time by chatting with a full-bird who is just returning from the Green Zone in Baghdad. Finally I end up in Louisville and after what seems like an eternity, waiting for the bags to come, I hop into my 2007 Chevy Malibu from Thrifty and head to the Marriott.

Tuesday 17 April, 2007.

I'm making good time from Fort Knox to Louisville as I speed through the rolling hills. I've stayed a little longer than I should have at Knox with the Soldiers but I should still make it in time. I turn in the rental and glance up at the departures/arrivals screen. Great! The flight is delayed by an hour. Now I don't have to rush and I can change out of my uniform and into some comfy travel clothes. I should still be fine because I had a two hour layover in Chicago (or Sweet Home Chicago as Elwood and Jake Blues called it).

The hour stretches on and soon it is an hour and a half delay. As I chat with LTC Adams via mil-cell, I tell him how I'm a little leery because we are cutting it close on me making my connecting flight. My plane finally arrives and I board it. We take even longer to take off but I'm still confident that i can make the connecting flight. After all, it's one United Flight to another. They can't be that far apart, can they?

We finally land but then get stuck on the runway for a while waiting to pull in the terminal. By the time we finally stark to disembark, I have only 20 minutes left before my plane takes off. No problem, I can make it. My fellow passengers mill off the plane with all the speed of menopausal water buffaloes.

With 15 minutes left I enter the very end of F terminal. I scan the departures/arrival screen and note that I have to get all the way from F to C. For those not in the know, Chicago O'hare is the size of New Hampshire and Rhoad Island. They once held a marathon in just one terminal. Japanese Tourists plan vacations to just see all of O'hare. I begin to book it down the terminal. Up ahead a sign looms that reads, "Shuttle to C". An airport employee tells me that the shuttle has just left. It will be another 6 minutes before it gets back. I can try to walk to F but i will take 15 minutes and I have to go back through security. I decide to wait.

At 10 minutes I realize that I might have a problem. The screen has now said that for the past 10 minutes, they have been boarding my flight. I find the nearest United Desk while keeping an eye out for the shuttle.

"Hi, my flight from Louisville was delayed like two hours and now I'm probably going to just barely miss my connecting flight to Boise. Can you call the people at Gate C32 and have them hold the plane for just a few more minutes?"

"I'm sorry, we don't hold flights" she states, matter of factly.

Now, I know this is a load of crap. I have been on numerous flights where we remain at the terminal for a few extra minutes so someone can catch the flight.

I tell her that if they don't hold it, I will miss it. She seems nonplussed and tells me to head that way anyway for customer service. I see no supervisor or anyone else to talk to so I sulk back to the line for the shuttle.

I note with aggravation that boarding for my flight has ended. Finally, the shuttle comes. I board it with all of the other passengers and scowl as we drive to Terminal C. By the time I get to the end of the Terminal to C32, I have missed my flight by 10 minutes.

I head over to customer service and while in line make a conscious decision to be pleasant. After all, I reason, these poor women probably deal with pissed off customers all day long. It's not their fault that I missed the plane. I explain my situation to a hardened, grouchy women who confirms that there are no more flights to Boise. She hands me a voucher for a hotel and a ticket for tomorrow. No apologies, no "we're sorry for your inconvenience", just a here's your hotel. I ask her if my baggage went to Boise. She tells me no. I ask where I can get it. She informs me that it is being held in security and I can't get it. Great, says I. I leave, less than impressed. While I search the endless stream of streets for my shuttle to the Hyatt. I realize that she has given me no coupons or vouchers for a free dinner or breakfast.

When I get to the Hyatt, I find myself actually a little awed with the sheer size and scale of the hotel. I'm less enthused as I get to my room. It looks like they had gutted the room fro remodels and then when they realized they needed to put some people in for the night they through in what they could find. My gigantic bed is nothing more than a roll-away like what you would get for the kids. It sits one foot off the ground and has wheels. I am longer than it is. on the other side of the room: another roll away and a single small chair. No table. No dresser. No desk. I call the front desk and ask if I can get another room with a bigger bed. They say that they are entirely sold out for the night. I order room service. When it arrives, the guy doesn't know what to do.

"Where should I put it?" he asks.

"Uhh...I guess on the ledge."

I decide to call customer service at United and lodge a Class A gripe. They are closed but would be glad to speak to me during business hours. I'm sure you would, jerky.

Tomorrow, dear readers, Part Two: They lose my baggage.

A Visit with a Hero and Why United Air Sucks

2007-04-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

So I paid a visit to Fort Knox this week to visit our wounded soldiers. The time spent at Knox was invaluable. I spent time with SSG M. from B CO. It nearly sent tears to my eyes. M. is a 27 year old Platoon Sergeant from WA. A substantial IED went off under his Cougar. Fortunately, he was the only one seriously injured. Unfortunately, he broke his right leg with a clean snap and broke the left in multiple places. His heel, foot, ankle, and leg were broken. He has screws in there holding it all together. It is not in a cast. When I saw him, he was getting off of the hardcore painkillers for fear of addiction and was in a world of hurt. A nurse came in and began to touch his foot and manipulate it. He was brave and never did cry but his agony was apparent as he groaned and cried out. He was grateful for the pain, he said, because it meant that he could still feel the foot and it meant things were working.

As we talked, I fond out that he had served an LDS mission out there in Kentucky. He found it ironic to be back under these circumstances. His wife had been out for the first few days and I made calls to get her sent back for some more time. He stated that it was getting depressing being cooped up in the room so we decided to get out of there. He was able to maneuver into his wheel chair a lot easier than I would have thought. We made our way downstairs and then outside. The day was beautiful. I sat on a bench and M. positioned his wheel chair along side it. We talked about anything and everything. He told me about how the treatment he received at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany had been pretty bad. Eventually he grew cold and we headed back in. I told him that I would send him some clothes as soon as I got back home. I have met a lot of men in my life but I can honestly say that there at Ireland Hospital, Fort Knox, Kentucky, I met a hero.

I looked up three of our other soldiers that were at Knox in outpatient status. SGT J. had a skin graft and had healed up nicely. He had just returned to Knox after spending time on convalescence leave at home and only had about a week left before he was going to be released. SPC W. had a break in his left leg with screws and rods. He, too had about a week left.

SPC M.,a female, worried me the most. She was there for severe depression and was quite lonely and down. She didn't want to get out of the Army and wasn't happy that she was going to be discharged. She thought her future looked bleak and it seemed to me that she also suffered agoraphobia. She had just returned from 30 days in a mental institute. While there she had broken her foot playing volley ball. She didn't look forward to the next 90 days of evaluations, medical boards and eventual discharge. I suggested she try and find a job there at Knox. In order to keep the patients gainfully employed and not idle, medical hold soldiers who can, find jobs on post. I thought it might be just what she needed. She disagreed and thought that she couldn't deal with people. She just wanted to sleep. I talked to her about the future and college. She didn't think she could handle that unless it was maybe at a very small community or two year college. I did my best to cheer her up and make her laugh but I left with the impression that any cheer I did bring her would be fleeting and short lived. I talked to SGT J. and asked him to look in on her during his last week and to spend some time with her. I worry about SPC M.

Before I made the 45 minute trek back to Louisville I took a few minutes to stop off at my old Basic Training company where I had gone through ROTC Basic Camp at. It looked a little different than how I remembered but did bring back a flood of memories. A Co 1/46th Infantry. There were the phone banks where I had called Shandy from. There was the First Sergeant's office where I had stood twice, being in a little bit of trouble for leaving my laundry in the dryer while we went off to training. The Supply Sergeant took me up to the second floor to my old bay. A few Privates were milling around inside. They said that they were securing some gear before they went off to training. I spotted my old bunk and told the Supply Sergeant how it used to be mine. "Look! That's where Lanear freaked out one night and we had to get the Drill Sergeants in here!" A young Private came up to me and said, "Sir, did you say that that was your bunk?" I said it was back in '96. He stated with a little reverence, "That's my bunk now, sir." I did a quick inspection and straightened the corners of the folds and gave him a nod. The doors opened and a Drill Sergeant walked in.

"WHAT ARE YOU PRIVATES DOING IN HERE?!?!?!"

"Uh,we're getting our gear, Drill Sergeant," they threw out, a little apprehensively.

"Sir, did they call the room to attention when you came in?"

"Negative, Drill Sergeant."

"GET DOWN!!!!!!!!"

I chuckled to myself as I left and walked past the privates busting out the push ups. Things had really come full circle since '96. Back then, I was getting smoked on a regular basis as I made the transition from civilian to Soldier. Now, Privates were getting smoked in the very same bay I used to get smoked in because they didn't call the room to attention when I walked in. Full circle indeed.

Later, I'll regale you with my tale of woe about how United Air Sucks.

For My Adoring Fans...Because You Demanded It

2007-04-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. I have fans. Out of the six posts I have made, I have averaged .6 comments per entry. Demand for my blog is so high that I have 108 views. Only 50 or so are from Shandy and I.

My muses, my masses, my people want, nay, demand that I get down to the nitty-gritty, to rip open my chest and bare my soul.

I will admit, this is different for me. Prior to this, the only baring I did was the occasional mooning of friends or family. I know that Shandy's friend Lynette has an image burned into her mind that she wishes was never there (in my defense, I didn't realize she was there on the beach when I mooned my wife and children from Chris' boat).

There is a side to me, perhaps the natural man that I fight to suppress, that has always gotten a kick out of the occasional mooning. In High School, my buddies and I used to moon fellow classmates from my buddy Craig's Geo Tracker. Once, while en route to a family reunion, my brother, Danny, pulled his '77 Ranchero along side Dad's truck on the freeway. I mooned my father, my mother, my sister, her friend, even our beloved family pet, Duchess, the Springer Spaniel (for Duchess, I feel shame). Dad's remark to Mom:

"Well, I guess that means he's not wearing his seat belt."

At Danny's first wedding, during the reception, each table had a disposable camera where guests were invited to take pictures of each other, the new couple, or whatever struck their fancy. My fancy was getting everybody I could find to moon the camera, outside of the ballroom in the elevator. Friends, cousins, uncles, sons...all took their turn mooning the camera. I was unsuccessful in convincing my 90 year grandfather to drop trou but we did get about 18 different pics. I was mistaken when I assumed that Dan and his then wife would develop the film.

Her parents did.

I can't be sure for certain but that may have started the beginning of the end of their short lived union. Welcome to the family.

As I look back and ponder, I realize that I have not always used my powers for good. As Uncle Ben counselled young Peter Parker:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

I'd say that my tuckus is indeed a great power. I hope that I can always use it responsibly.

Hot Wives, Email Judo, and Tongue Clicks

2007-04-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

So it's a good feeling when you think that your wife is totally hot.

I'd have to say that Shandy has totally gotten better with age. Don't get me wrong, She was awesome from the start but each day she grows more and more beautiful.

Not every guy can say that and actually mean it. I know some guys with wives who peaked at 18 and it's been all down hill from there. Some women get to be in their 30's and just look worn out. They wear the mom uniform and develop a love for "stretchy pants". Now don't get me wrong, as Ignacio explained to Chanco, "When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun." and that rings true. Lucha Libre is fun but soccer moms in stretchy pants...not so fun...

I digress. Bottom line: My wife is hot!

So I ran into this strip last week at the airport and it really struck close to home. I can totally relate to Wally:

Wally is a role model, really. A modern day Costanza. A hero for office pukes everywhere.

I'm really close to pulling a Mark Honn and deleting my entire inbox and then sending out a mass email saying that the contents of my inbox are gone. If there's anything important, please send it again. Of course then I have to sort out all of the important stuff before I do a mass delete.

Tomorrow Craig flies in from Montana and he, I, Bill, and Brent are going to hit the BSU Spring Scrimmage. I expect that there will be consumption of copious amounts of greasy food resulting in what Bill and I like to refer to as, "The Roaring Diarrhea", a term I discovered in anthropology class my Junior year of college. It was described as a pleasurable byproduct of eating a fat bull, by the Kung!San tribe of Africa (insert a tongue click between the 'Kung' and the 'San' where the exclamation point is...you know, there aren't enough tongue clicks in the English language. Maybe I'll make it my mission in life to add tongue clicks into everyday conversations. Knowing my luck, people will probably mistake it for Tourettes Syndrome...)

Ahhh...Irony

2007-04-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

So it seems as though my post about prune juice may have been prophetic as I sit here blogging from the crapper.

Figured I'd be here for a while so why not take the laptop with me.

After dinner tonight, I indulged in some fat free ice cream...perhaps a little too much in hindsight. Of course you know what they say about hindsight, don't you? Hindsight is when you regret having powerful forces expelled from your hind. Trust me, not a sight to see.

Now, I'm paying the price. Why, oh, why does Splenda have to make everything taste so good (while retaining a low-fat, low-calorie ratio) and yet turns your insides inside out like some sugar-free monster that thinks your inards are play-dough?

Well, at least I'm amusing myself between the cramps...

Finally...A Day Off

2007-04-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

No joke, in the last two months, I have had probably three days off. During those two months, I probably averaged 12 hour days with at least two 20 hour days and one 27.5 hour stint.

Today made day off #4. I was able to sleep in until 0800 until I was awoken by a phone call. It's always a big debate on whether or not to turn off the two cell phones I have on a day off. I always want to but there are usually emergencies to take care of so I screen the calls. I still probably spent at least an hour on the phone today, taking care of business. Shandy and I did have a relaxing day, though, for the most part. All of the older boys were in school, Nathan took a nap and Shandy and I watched some episodes of Freaks and Geeks.

Freaks and Geeks is one of those great shows that should have never been cancelled and was killed after just one season. Shandy and I have been laughing our butts off while watching the episodes.

Benny came home from pre-school and reminded Shandy of a promise she had made earlier so we ended up going to lunch at Golden Corral. Contrary to what you may think, it's actually possible to eat healthy at a buffet. Possible, not easy. All of the fried food was calling to me but I was strong. As we drove to GC, Benney had mentioned that it would have been OK if I had stayed home. I said, "You want me to stay home by myself?" To which he replied, "You're old enough. You're an adult." He quickly changed hi stance, though and told me how glad he was to have me coming.

I took a long nap in the afternoon, we had family home evening, and now the boys are in bed.

We became a recycling family today now that the city is providing the service. I feel hip and responsible. Maybe I'll buy a Toyota Prius, Shandy can stop shaving her legs and we can start touting hemp products...maybe not.

Prune Juice in the Middle of the Night Only Means One Thing...

2007-03-31T23:54:00.000-07:00

So my buddy Juston Ellis was up from Utah this weekend for the SRP. He's in C CO and we deployed together to Iraq last year. After the SRP was finished today, Juston came out for dinner. When it was time to take him back to the barracks on Gowen Field, Shandy asked if I could grab a few things at Walmart. She needed biter biscuits for Nathan, now that he is starting on solids, some baby food for him, and since he has had some constipation the last day or so, some prune juice.

So, we finally find the prune juice (thanks to the help of an Austrian woman who was stocking shelves) and I turn to Juston,

"You dare me when I put the prune juice on the checkout to say, 'this is to help me make poopy.'?"

He tells me to go for it and we approach register #22. I repeat the question and he says, "Heck, I'll say it, if you want." I say sure and we proceed to put the contents on the conveyor belt. Well, Juston doesn't say anything and so I give the checker a knowing nod and inform her, "You know, when you're buying prune juice in the middle of the night, it only means one thing..."

"What's that?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I've got to make poopy," I state, rather matter of factly.

"Hmm...prune juice and baby food, eh?"

"Yeah," Juston chimes in, "it's for his diet."

"What diet is that?" she asks, a little too skeptically for my taste.

"Why, the prune juice and baby food diet, of course," I share, mocking unbelief that she has never heard of it.

"And what's so good about that one?, she asks.

"Well...It goes in liquid...and it it comes out liquid, too."

"TMI," Juston shakes his head, "TMI."

I gather my bag, the transaction complete, and she wishes me well on my efforts to get everything going.

Who I am

2007-03-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Having a dichotomy, a quandry, a conundrum, if you will, on your name is no fun. Half the people I know call me John, the other half, Gus. My wife calls me John, work calls me John, good friends call me Gus, my family calls me Gus. I guess I'm both which makes things complicated when sending out mass emails, Christmas letters, or making blog posts. I should have just gone by Magnus, Gustavo, or Lloyd. Ah, the duality that is me...

With that out of the way: I'm a Boise State football fanatic. By fanatic, I don't mean I watch a few games a year and I own a hat, I mean I am a friggin' idiot when it comes to all things Bronco related. I have jerseys, a helmet, a football, several posters...and those are just the autographed items. I've got more hats than days of the week. More shirts than days of the week. My wife Shandy thinks I'm ridiculous but she tolerates this obsession because I'm so hot.

I've been married to the love of my life, Shandalyce for 12 years. We met while we worked at McDonalds in High School. Cheesy, I know but when you used to flip burgers for a living, cheese is a way of life.

We have four boys, August, Seth, Benjamin, and Nathan. Apparently, I only produce the Y chromosome. It's cool, the boys are so much fun and so neat that I forget all about how we would like a little girl some day.

I'm an active Latter Day Saint and have been for 14 years. Church is more than just a way of life, it is life.

I'm a Captain in the US Army. I have travelled to 13 countries, 12 with the Army. I am overworked, overstressed, but thoroughly love being a Combat Engineer.

I wish I still had time to play the bass, to paint, to read recreationally, to work on my 79 Trans Am, to work on a graduate degree, and to snowboard or ski more than once or twice a year. I'm glad, though, that my priorities are straight and I know what is truly important in life.

Chillaxin in Idaho

2007-03-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

Chillin...relaxin...chillaxin...

Ahhhh, yeah....It's Idaho, baby!

So I would imagine in your first post you should write something profound. If those first few lines weren't profound, then I don't know what is.

So we kick off the SRP in Boise tomorrow at 0500. It's 2215 right now, so I guess I won't be getting much sleep tonight. Maybe I'll sleep in my office tomorrow while no one is looking...yeah that never works out. The few times I have been so beat that I've decided to take a 20 minute power nap (or PK as LTC Adams calls them) I've either been interupted by a knock on the door, a phone call, or noisy people outside of my office. It sucks. Oh, well, maybe tomorrow.

And one other thing...

Boise State Rules!